This was the sandwich on which I just feasted. Slapped together, haphazard, maybe. But nonetheless delicious and everything  I search for in a sandwich. I drove home from watching Monday Night Football and then some quiet discussion with my chums thinking about something to quench my desire for something delicious, filling without being heavy, yet allowing some room for cake. Because you always have to leave room for cake.

This sandwich I discovered is not a paragon of pure construction. It is not artful, nor does it contain all the sauces and zests one normally searches for in a sandwich. But I say to you it was DELICIOUS, and I would not hesitate to eat another. You see, it won’t make me take a big dump tomorrow morning, though it is something I treasure. But still it was very tasty, and proves you don’t need some pretty name on a sandwich for it to count as a winner.

Improvements I could have made, maybe swipe some hummus, some of that scallion flavored, on the bread. That could have been simply astonishing. Size-wise, nothing. It was the perfect size. And the veggies on it, maybe some lettuce, because why not.

So where has this discovery led me? It taught, I think, that there is not always a beauty aspect to a delicious sandwich. After all, some delicious pulled pork could be simply a pile of meat on top of two measly slices of bread, but it still counts. And it’s bangin’. Also, I didn’t use any tools to make this sandwich, just my hands to tear the onion and pepper up. I guess machines were used to maek the bread and cut the meat and cheese, but shut up. I could have used that chicken carcass that was sitting on the counter, bits of meat still stuck to it. But I didn’t, I used the leftovers.

http://www.nba.com/spurs/features/sandwich_archive.html

http://www.thedoghousediaries.com/?p=1857

Lets start here by saying, no, a hotdog is not a sandwich. The construction of a hotdog, to me at least, is it being placed in the bun, not literally sandwiched. There is generally a large opening to pile things on top. If anything, it’s like an open-faced sandwich, an item I feel borders on blasphemy. Although I will still eat it. Even if it were constructed in a way that more resembles a sandwich, the hotdog has no shot at the top, so we will move on. However, what about a burger? To me, the basis of the burger lies in the bun itself. That’s why a patty melt(basically a grilled cheese with a burger in there, for those of you not Midwestern) is not a burger. The Bun with two closed sides does not lend well to double-and triple-decking of a burger, an attribute of the sandwich that leads to the Dagwood, a creation seen as visionary work by a cartoon character and generally really cool. Anyhow, this makes me see the burger as a completely different subject from sandwich altogether; am I doing myself a disservice for thinking so? After all, few other fillers of the bread allow for quick melting of added cheese, or the use of ketchup, America’s greatest condiment. and burgers can be stuffed or the meat blended with spices inside it, which most lunchmeats do not allow for unless you’re roasting your own beef or whatever. Toasted buns, whether they add to a sandwich or not, are delicious as well. Wikipedia says that a burger is a sandwich on a bun instead of slices of bread, and the top answer on Askville by Amazon for whether a burger is a sandwich says that it sort of is. Basically, expect a sandwich on bread, and a burger on a bun. Should I trust Wikipedia? Probably, but at the same time, it is edited by people who naturally have a bias one way or another.

Maybe this is one of those “square is a rectangle, rectangle isn’t a square” kind of situations. After all, a burger isn’t always beef; it could be mushrooms or tofu or turkey or sausage. So you know what? We’re going to allow the burger under the sandwich umbrella, with all rights and allowances this gives it, including consideration as a piece of the perfect sandwich. Plus, since buffalo meat is so good as a burger, there’s already an advantage given. This doesn’t open it up for hotdogs though; while good, not good enough, and too budget of a baseline to create a sandwich off of. Shoot, now I’m wondering about sausage links. They’re so damn good…

Its obvious we have hit a snag in our journey, but fear not, I’ll not give up in the face of even this adversity. We know now that the sandwich could be off the grill, and I am forced, through personal preference, to include sausages. But I will discriminate harshly against hotdogs. Nobody said it was an egalitarian quest, simply one for truth. But one truth is known; burgers- you are in. the bread is not the final determinant, it is instead another color on the palate of the sandwich.

According to Wikipedia, ranch dressing is “ a condiment made of buttermilk or sour cream, mayonnaise, minced green onion, garlic powder, and other seasonings mixed into a sauce.”  All these are delicious parts, and mayonnaise has long been a staple of American eating in general and sandwich construction in particular. The inclusion of garlic makes anything good as far as Im concerned, as well as onion. And, well, who doesn’t like spices? So it makes sense why ranch is such a delicious condiment, but the fact is, the condemency of it is still suspect at first. Generally, any liquid addition is one flavor, am I right? Hot sauce, ketchup, mayo, they all add one thing to it. So in this ranch is in a sense unique because it adds several things to the overall palate of flavors, or at least one general complex thing that can be broken down to several parts. This also, unfortunately, removes it from being able to be on certain things. A sandwich that is simple, like chicken, cucumber, and peppers on rye for instance, asks for something less busy. But the sandwich I created in yesterday’s blog entry only gets better with ranch added, because there is so much going on between the slices already.

As a man on a quest to find the Shangri La of lunch foods, new wrinkles, while welcome, certainly throw a wrench into the works. I adore ranch dressing as a condiment, but once again, it must be used carefully and correctly. Is it the main sauce on the perfect sandwich? Well, it may be, depending on what the other ingredients are. If it’s a roast beef on a hard roll, then hell yes. If it’s a turkey and bean sprouts on wheat? No, and anyway, there’s no way a sandwich with bean sprouts has a shot to take the number one spot. And ranch actually would be pretty good on that…

One interesting aspect of ranch that I have discovered recently is its ability to be so thick, and yet can actually add a lightness to a sandwich. In this, I feel ranch stands alone. Its ability to add a summery aspect to even the most beefy of sandwiches in a sense adds a vacation-y sense to the condiment, allowing for even more escapism in the bread and meats. I won’t bandy the word magical around too loosely, but ranch can be an X-factor in the creation of a sandwich And really, it does cross a lot of boundaries when it comes to its use. Not so say it can go on anything like Tabasco Sauce (which I think, anyway, it’s a magical thing) but it can be used either liberally or sparingly when it is added to your sandwich, which is always a nice aspect. It doesn’t dominate a sandwich, and that is a key for a great condiment.

What would really make ranch perfect is if it was blended with Tabasco or Sriracha, something like that. Again, I am a spice hound, but I would hope that any fellow Sandwich Sojourner is too, because the dance of flavors is what makes any sandwich really rule. But this creation, a Tabasco Ranch, is something to be appreciated by anyone who wants to add a sparkle to their lunch. From time to time, I have experimented with this while in the cafeteria at school, and it was quite good, though in need of some tweak. Plus I was putting it on a burger, not a proper sandwich, so I’m not quite clear on whether it would work. My heart says yes, but my critical mind wants to argue. Damn my scientific side. Such is the battle of the true sandwich builder, is to blend the art of the sandwich with the science of the flavors. All I know now is ranch is a candidate for condiment on the Unknown Sandwich, we only need to figure out how. The search continues.

This wonderful board is all very nice, and the choices you can make to construct this type of menu is a great subject for a later post. However, having tried all the choices, I went up to the counter and just riffed at them, going stream of consciousness in my decision making. It started with roast beef and Monterey Jack on a Portuguese roll. Then I went on to add OLT, hot peppers, bacon, and ranch dressing. In short, and my little brother will corroborate it, this was the shit. It all came together with ease too, which was the best part. And so I wonder, is there a place that has created the best sandwich possible already, and will I have to journey there? This whole quest is to find that sandwich, but does it reside in me already? Self-determination in sandwich construction is a hard peak to reach, requiring many different disciplines in sandwich creation and destruction, as well as an understanding how certain things blend with other condiments, meats, or cheeses. Personally, I believe that as a recent college grad and a believer that destiny is only partially involved in our life path, I should decide what they will give me, not the other way around. Plus, since the workers at the deli didn’t have a template to work off, I feel I was given more meat than they normally would have given, and overall had a fatter sandwich than is average. And that’s always nice. The energy of the moment led me to construct this beautiful piece of art that was my sandwich, and I wish you could see it, but it disappeared all to quickly; often the problem with delicious sandwiches is their incredibly short shelf life.

So I leave it to you; I believe that the perfect sandwich is still out there, maybe a pre-fab by someone at a small deli somewhere, maybe in the heart of a true believer. As it stands now, the quest continues, but at least for a couple hours, I am sated, and shall retire to contemplate my next action. But seriously, if you get a chance build that sandwich I made, its god damn amazing.

A couple months ago, I went down to Florida with a good friend, to help him move and settle in and whatnot. While there, I ate what was one of the ultimate reasons why I created this blog. We went to a hole in the wall barbeque place, tucked away in the back of a shopping center, and both got pulled porks with a side, I went with coleslaw. The to-go container had two smaller containers in it, along with a small souflé cup of their special barbeque sauce. In one was the meat, because they had you construct your own sandwich, in the other the coleslaw. As I built it, inspiration hit me, and I put some of the slaw on my sandwich. Delectible, fantastic, bangin’, whatever adjective you want to use, use it. From that grew the idea of Sandwich Nirvana, as I almost reached it that day. The Itis kicked in, and we napped afterward. That sandwich, though, was incredible.

So I found myself, some weeks later, with a heap of coleslaw, hot beef, and cheese, and a bun. After a split seconds’ thought, I plopped a dollop of slaw on the sandwich, and let me tell you, that with some added Sriracha sauce, or Rooster Sauce as my friend Bob Dinkins called it, was incredible. the cooling effect of the slaw combined with the zest of the sauce, as well as the ever delectible cheese sauce and onion bun, was incredible. Hot sandwiches, I must say, have a place of honor in my heart, and so this sandwich must go on the list. If you have a chance to create this, go for it. This one in particular had no overpowering flavor, and the fries added a good crunch without being too crunchy on the side.  The bun in this case is the most overlooked aspect, as the onion bun in general usually is. The hint of onion is all it needs, and the way it soaks up the juices and sauces makes for a perfect nibble at the end of the sandwich.

My one regret was in fact using the Sriracha on this, as Tabasco would, I feel, make a better impact without being overly powerful. I wanted flavor rather than just heat, and I feel Tabasco would make the difference I seek.